A woman has shared her ‘real life Bride Wars’ moment after she got engaged at the same time as her friend, saying the tension is so bad that her pal will likely no longer be one of her bridesmaids.
The bride-to-be took to the Hitched forum last year to share her predicament, explaining how one of her ‘closest friends’ had recently got engaged and ‘told everyone she knew straight away over message’.
When she got engaged herself a month later, she decided to wait to tell friends and family in person, meaning it was done gradually over the course of a few weeks.
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She explained: “I don't live near my close friend and only see her every 3/4 months but I was seeing her a couple of weeks after as she was having a small party for friends to celebrate. I knew I wouldn't see her again for a while after so I didn't know what to do.
“I took her away separately at the beginning of the party and told her that I was engaged. I didn't want to say anything or make a fuss, but I wanted to tell her so she knew and I promised I wouldn't say anything to anyone (and I didn't have my ring on) because I didn't want to take away from her at all, but I wanted to tell her in person.
“She took a while to take it in but seemed excited for me, told me not to be silly and to wear my ring and that I shouldn't keep it a secret.”
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Another of her friends also happened to be at the party, so she told her in private.
However, when the woman went back to mingle with the other guests, it turned out the news had spread.
“A few people said they had overheard from my friend and they said congratulations so I said thank you but tried not to continue to talk about it.” she said.
Her friend seemed to have a ‘good time’ for the rest of the night, but afterwards it turned out she wasn’t feeling too happy.
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The woman said her friend didn’t message for a while after the event, and eventually admitted she’s ‘very upset’ that the news broke on the day of her party.
“She said that she's been working out what other people thought and they thought it was awful thing to do,” the woman continued.
“I now have her family and friends (who I don't know) all think I'm absolutely awful and I feel absolutely horrible.
“She said she didn't want a competition and feels like it is."
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The woman said the friend was ‘upset’ she hadn’t messaged her as soon as she got engaged, and that she told her when she did.
“I feel awful I've made her upset and I can't even think about planning anything to do with my wedding because it feels tainted,” she said.
“She's planned everything with her family and I don't have a support network so I would have only ever been planning with my partner and I'm not a sharer as it is.
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“I don't want the whole year of planning to be a taboo subject between us, but it feels like it is and I hate knowing that her partner and everyone thinks I'm now the worst person in the world.”
The woman added: “She was going to be one of my bridesmaids but I don't think she wants anything to do with mine anymore because she says she'll be stressed about hers, especially as our date is a month before.”
She turned to others for 'advice', saying: "I don't want real life Bride Wars!" - a reference to the 2009 film starring Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway.
Many people could understand her predicament, saying the friend was in the wrong.
One commented: “Your friend needs to grow up. If she's old enough to be planning a wedding, she is too old to be acting like a spoiled brat.
“And I highly doubt that 'everyone' thinks your behaviour was awful - you are only hearing what she says they said based on her side of the story.”
Someone else said: “You are not responsible for other people's behaviours, only your own. If she chooses to view getting married as some kind of race or competition, that is her problem, not yours.”
On the other side of the debate, one other person commented: “I'm sure I'll get some hate for this ... I got engaged in April just gone, and my H2B’s best man announced 6 weeks after my engagement he is going to get married to his SO who is also one of my bridesmaids - they told us over text.
“At first, I was upset, especially as they've both said they would never get married and she changed her name to his already 10 years ago.”
She added: “When we started talking wedding ideas, I realised how different our weddings are, it made me feel better about it.
"I'm not a bridezilla, I just wanted my moment, but I realised she is entitled to her moment too.”
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Wedding
Jess Hardiman