Relationship expert explains viral 'dating birth order theory' trend

Brace yourselves, ladies, there's yet another dating trend you need to add to your ever-growing arsenal.

OK, so we know all about the benefits of living in a DINK relationship, the viral 'orange peel theory', and even the 'zero dating theory' which could explain why men and women approach relationships so differently.

But now the latest buzz on social media is all about the 'dating birth order theory' and, to help explain a little more about the dating phenomenon, one relationship expert has given the lowdown on everything we need to know.

Relationship expert, Hayley Quinn, sat down with Tyla to shed a bit of light on the trend.

OK, so first things first, what is the 'dating birth order theory' and where on earth did it come from?

Hayley tells Tyla: "Dating birth order theory dates back to the Austrian psychotherapist Alfred Alder who posited that where a child is born in the family will affect their outcome in life - whether that's how they succeed academically or with relationships.

"For example, an eldest child might become a natural leader, who snags all the top grades; whilst middle children, with no clear family role, become diplomatic over givers."

She added: "It's unsurprising that dating birth order theory is finding its place trending on TikTok in 2024.

"Modern dating is tough, and if you've had a string of failed relationships, you might seek out a common reason for that."

In short, the dating birth order theory essentially gives you a 'hypothesis' as to why you may always be choosing the 'wrong people'.

Right, but how is the 'dating birth order theory' different from other social media-viral trends or theories?

"Unlike other recent TikTok dating trends like invisible string theory which is almost mystical, dating birth order theory has its origins in early Western psychology," Hayley tells us.

She adds that there's also some statistics that seem to correlate with its claims, as it's been reported that there's a higher divorce rate amongst first borns who marry other first borns.

"By birth order theory these relationships aren't meant to be as successful as a first born marrying a youngest child, which enables the first born to continue their leadership quasi-parental role in relation to their new spouse," the expert notes.

Hayley also made sure to point out that early Western psychology also gave us ideas like the Oedipus complex which, although interesting, often has little empirical evidence to back them up.

Yeah that, and it's just downright bizarre.

‌What does the 'dating birth order theory' mean for compatibility?

Do not fret, guys, as Hayley assures that dating birth order theory doesn't mean anything for compatibility.

She says: "Whilst you may identify as a first born child who is constantly acting like a parent to their partners; there will be plenty of first born children who don't relate to this concept.

"People can, and do, form happy relationships regardless of which order they're born into a family."

Instead, the expert recommends looking inwards at why the trend 'resonates' with you so much.

She carried on: "Instead of seeing birth order as the reason for your dating woes, consider why this theory resonated with you? Did it point out a home truth about how you've been relating to your partners?

"If so, remember you're not destined to make the same choice of partners over and over again; so don't view your 'birth order' as a foregone conclusion for how your relationships will unfold!"

A‌nd on that note, how accurate do you think 'dating birth order theory' is?

"Whilst the stereotype of the independent first child, diplomatic middle child and entitled youngest child, may resonate for some people, it certainly won't resonate for everyone," Hayley tells us.

Whilst admitting that it would be 'neat' to use your birth order to predict which partners will and won't be compatible with you, Hayley points out: "There's a lot more to building a good relationship than choosing to couple up with an eldest or a youngest child.

"What you can take from dating birth order, is perhaps an improved awareness of how you've previously behaved in your relationships, what hasn't worked for you, and what you'd like to change in the future."