Relationships can be a rollercoaster, and it’s normal to have your ups and downs. But what isn’t normal is when things are overly great before they come crashing down.
The cycle of abuse in relationships can be very difficult to spot - especially if you feel as though you're being treated like royalty in between arguments, which is why it can be especially hard to break out of it.
There are many ways that this can creep up on you and there are a lot of terms to describe the various ways in which someone can manipulate or harm you.
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For example, 'love bombing' has become a popular term in recent years due to awareness being raised about how this type of abuse is shown.
Generally, it’s a tactic in which someone will ‘bomb’ you with extreme displays of love in a bid to manipulate you.
However, even though it might seem like a positive thing to be showered with love and attention, there’s a catch.
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When the person inflicting the love bombing is no longer feeling affectionate, it often gives way to gaslighting and abuse.
So, how do you spot love bombing?
At the beginning, it might feel as though you’ve found your perfect match in every way and soon, the relationship moves incredibly fast.
This person will praise you all the time, tell you they love you, that you’re the best thing that ever happened to them, and how no one will love you like they do.
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Then, there’s their other side.
This side can be controlling, manipulative and sometimes, physically abusive too.
Recently, a TikToker shared her tips on how to spot the signs in someone who love bombs so that you can quickly run in the other direction.
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Relationship coach Natalie Louise, also known as @wonderlusqt on the app, posted a clip with some very important clues.
She begins with the first sign: “Stage one is the date. So they're going to take you out. They don't really know if you're the perfect target just yet, but they're still gonna wine and dine you on the first date.
“They're gonna, like, really impress you.”
Once the person decides that you could be a target or hard to get, they’ll then take it as a personal challenge to acquire you, which leads them onto part two of the love bomb.
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“The gifting stage, which is they literally will give you physical gifts, things that they know you will be head over heels for.”
After they know that they are able to make you happy with their compliments and gifts, they might start to ask you a lot of questions under the guise of trying to get to know you.
But Natalie warns that this is to find out your strengths, weaknesses and to mould themselves into the perfect partner for you.
Then the third stage will hit you.
This is when they will physically be with you ‘all the time’ so that you feel more at ease in their presence, which leads to a sudden change of behaviour in the fourth stage.
Natalie calls this the ‘hot and cold’ behaviour, which begins this pleasure/pain cycle that becomes addictive - this is when they start pulling away from you, stealing back all of the affection and attention they once threw at you.
The relationship expert calls this the moment that your ‘anxious attachment style would kick in’.
So, the cycle will continue to repeat from this point forward.
They’ll pop out of nowhere to bestow on you their love and presence, only to take it away in a moment, before it happens again and again.
Because of this addiction to the cycle, Natalie warns that this could lead you to staying with bad partners, because of the hope that things will get better, like they always do.
Until the pain part of the cycle kicks in again.
She said: “Love bombers sometimes don't even know that they're love bombing you, but the ones that do are vicious. And you should definitely stay away from them because they're probably narcissist.”
If you are experiencing domestic violence, please know that you are not alone. You can talk in confidence 24 hours a day to the national domestic violence helpline Refuge on 0808 2000 247
Topics: Sex and Relationships, TikTok
Britt Jones