A woman has admitted she decided to leave her husband after he demanded a paternity test for their unborn baby, saying it feels like her ‘whole world has collapsed’.
Writing anonymously on Reddit, the woman said she will ‘probably’ walk out of the marriage – knowing that she would ‘rather be a single mum’ than find herself ‘coddling his insecurities one day longer’.
Sharing her story to the TrueOffMyChest forum, where it has attracted more than 14,000 upvotes and thousands of comments, she explained: “Me and my husband have been together for 6 years, married for 3.
Advert
“We met in college, we're now both in our early thirties and our relationship has been pretty smooth sailing so far.”
The wife said the only area that could be improved is in the bedroom, but claimed her husband ‘gets touchy and pouts for literally days’ if she tries to talk about it sensitively.
She went on: “After deciding we were ready for a baby we've tried for almost a year and I am finally expecting. I'm currently in my 4th month. However yesterday my husband asked me if we could do a paternity test, completely out of the blue.
“At first I thought I heard him wrong, and when he doubled down I laughed, because I thought he was making a bad joke. But no, he was actually dead serious.
Advert
“As soon as I realized that I immediately felt sick to my stomach. I asked him why he wanted the test and he says he just wants to make sure the baby is his.
“I asked him if he's suspecting me of cheating, he said no. I pointed out that I work full time and spend every single free minute I have with him, so when would I even find the time to cheat, even if I wanted to, which I don't?”
The woman said he ‘got angry’ and said she had no idea what it was like for men to have ‘no control’ over pregnancy, and didn’t want to be a ‘doormat stuck raising a “cuckoo’s egg”’.
Advert
She continued: “In our country (not US), paternity tests have to be consented to by both parents or be court-ordered, so I told him in no uncertain terms that I do not consent and if he files a petition to the court to get the test done against my will then he can also file for divorce while he's at it because in that case I'm done here.
“He got all huffy and claimed I wouldn't get this upset about the situation unless I had something to hide.”
After bluntly telling him that he ‘sucks’ in bed, he ‘stared blankly’ and ‘started crying’.
“I left him standing, threw a bag of essentials together and left for my parents,” the woman said.
Advert
“I feel like my whole world has collapsed. My mum is trying to play mediator and has spoken to him in the meantime - she told me that he is very hurt by my comment and he wants me to apologise for that at the very least as a way of meeting him in the middle.
“On the one side, I know what I said was said out of spite and was way below the belt, but on the other hand I feel absolutely justified to have finally said it out loud after tiptoeing around his feelings for years while neglecting my own needs in this relationship.
“I'm more and more sure I don't even want to go back. I'd rather be a single mum than coddling his insecurities one day longer.”
Advert
In the comments, many people sympathised with the woman, with one speculating the husband was fully aware that he didn’t please her sexually so assumed she’d ‘gone elsewhere’ because no one would stick around for such treatment.
“Even he realizes this,” they wrote, adding: “It's not a question in your mind because you know you've been monogamous. It's been horrible but you stuck by him. He is not confident in himself. In fact, I would go as far as to say he is a complete mess emotionally. This man needs therapy. Now. Regardless of whether you go back or not. I don't know what I would do because I don't know him. I might say I would be willing to try if he would go into therapy himself, and with you as a couple. His insecurities are ruining his life.”
Someone else said: “I would agree to give him the paternity test, then have him served the results along with the divorce papers, but I am petty like that.”
A third commented: “Do not apologize and frankly do you want to raise a child with this man? Get that paternity test and the divorce.”
Topics: Parenting, Sex and Relationships
Jess Hardiman