A woman has revealed how she was diagnosed with P-OCD after suffering with distressing and intrusive thoughts for years.
Molly Lambert, 22, spent years experiencing intrusive sexual and violent thoughts that made her terrified she was a danger to others.
However, Molly recently revealed that after seeking help, she was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), which is a mental health condition related to anxiety. OCD is a condition where a person has obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours.
The NHS explains: "An obsession is an unwanted and unpleasant thought, image or urge that repeatedly enters your mind, causing feelings of anxiety, disgust or unease.
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"A compulsion is a repetitive behaviour or mental act that you feel you need to do to temporarily relieve the unpleasant feelings brought on by the obsessive thought."
Molly explained she first discovered P-OCD after seeing a TikTok video.
P-OCD is essentially an obsessive fear of being or becoming a pedophile, with Sheppard Pratt explaining: "Fear of being a paedophile combines the worst of several common obsessions, from Harm OCD (fear of acting violently against the vulnerable), sexual orientation OCD (fear of being attracted to the 'wrong' kind of person), and moral scrupulosity (fear of breaking society’s strictest moral codes)."
Molly's story
When Molly was 15, she saw a small girl wearing a crop top and a short skirt at the airport on a family trip and thought: "That's weird for a child to wear that."
She said: "Then I panicked - 'Why would I even notice that? Why would I think about that? She's a child.'"
Over the following months, the fear she was a paedophile refused to go away, to the extent that six months later she had to quit her job at a swimming pool cafe to avoid being around children.
She said: "I remember thinking, there are kids here and I honestly thought to myself that I would have to kill myself on my way home.
"That's how convinced I was that I was dangerous."
It took four years to get an OCD diagnosis, after she stumbled across a video of someone with OCD saying her condition made her worry she fancied her niece.
She said: "The weight that lifted off my shoulders was crazy. I thought only freaks had this."
The symptoms of P-OCD
Those suffering with P-OCD may have intrusive thoughts similar to the following, as per Sheppard Pratt:
- Intrusive unwanted sexual thoughts/images/sensations around children
- Fear that early experiences were signs of suppressed paedophilia
- Fear that common childhood sexual play makes one a paedophile
- Fear that having been a victim of childhood sexual abuse condemns one to become an abuser
- Fear that incidental contact with children was somehow intentional or pleasure-driven
- Fear that positive emotions towards children could be sexual in nature
- Fear that noticing beauty, cuteness, handsomeness, prettiness, etc. in a child is a sign of sexual intentions
- Fear that noticing adult characteristics (e.g. specific body parts, body positioning, style of dress) of prepubescent children, pubescent adolescents, or of anyone 'too young' is an indicator of paedophilia
- False memory obsessions, such as obsessive concern that a paedophilic act occurred and was somehow blacked out of memory
- Not fearing being a paedophile but fearing that the presence of intrusive paedophilic thoughts will either ruin the possibility of being happy or somehow convert the thinker to become a paedophile over time
'Compulsions' related to P-OCD can include avoiding children; seeking reassurance from others that inappropriate behaviour hasn't taken place and avoiding imagery such as children's TV shows.
After getting a diagnosis and sharing her story, Molly explained how she received hundreds of messages from other people who have never opened up about their intrusive thoughts.
"The response has been overwhelming. People say they’ve been crying, that they’ve felt like this for years and never told anyone," she said.
"Parents have reached out saying they have obsessions about harming their children. Some people said they ended up in psychiatric wards or tried to take their own lives.
"People don’t talk about it, and that makes it worse. Some messages are from people in their 50s who have been silently suffering their whole lives.
"It shows how common and hidden it is.
"It’s not being a paedophile - it’s that these thoughts exist and your brain latches onto them. OCD is all about uncertainty. It tells you ‘what if?’ and you can’t prove it wrong."
If you're experiencing distressing thoughts and feelings, the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is there to support you. They're open from 5pm–midnight, 365 days a year. Their national number is 0800 58 58 58 and they also have a webchat service if you're not comfortable talking on the phone.
Topics: Health, Mental Health, UK News
Lucy Devine