Relationship coach offers advice to women to avoid becoming 'girlfriend-fluffers'
When it comes to dating, it seems as though there’s a new word or phrase every few months.
And while I’ve just got my head around the Ben Stage (and how to avoid it), a relationship expert has dropped a new one on us: girlfriend fluffer.
Relationship coach Sabrina Bendory, 38, from New York, has shared the new term, alongside some handy tips on how to make sure you don’t end up becoming a 'girlfriend fluffer' yourself.
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But what does it mean? Well, a girlfriend fluffer is someone who is unintentionally preparing their current partners for their next girlfriend. Not ideal.
Sabrina says that it's most commonly seen when a woman dates a bloke who may be feeling devoid of confidence and helps him to regain his mojo before he moves on and quickly ends up in another relationship.
Pretty rude.
She explained: "First of all, you have to be honest with yourself and what you want.
"I know the concept very well; being the woman dating a guy and right after he marries another woman.
"I've had lots of friends who are chronic fluffers you could say.
"What I see a lot is a guy not wanting anything serious and she stays anyway and thinks 'how I about I show him how amazing I am and change his mind,' but he's set on what he wants.
"Don't invest in anyone until you see they are matching the same level of investment."
She continued: "Be honest with yourself and if you can't be honest with yourself outsource and ask people.
"It really comes down to who you chose and you have to chose someone who wants the same thing as you.
"Don't take it personally, it's usually not personal and think about what you can learn from it.
"Don't just think 'well I guess I'm just the fluffer girl' because then you'll continue to be the fluffer girl."
Sabrina says there’s numerous reasons why women may end up as girlfriend fluffers.
"It's possible these women are drawn to projects,” she said. "For example, a man with emotional issues and she makes it her mission to fix or heal him.
"The reason that happens is that you are emotionally unavailable yourself.
"It's possible it stems back to childhood working to prove yourself for love.”
To prevent this, Sabrina says you need to look at ‘who and why’ you’re choosing to date.
She said: "These type of relationships are known as co-dependent relationships - it's not a sustainable relationship and turns pretty toxic quickly.
"She needs to look at 'how much am I putting into my relationship, who am I choosing and why am I choosing those people?'"
And the other reason women may find themselves in 'fluffer' territory is all down to timing.
"I think timing plays a very big role in all of this,” she said.
"A guy may be ready to get married but is dating a woman and thinks she isn't the right match but the next person he is compatible with and gets married pretty quickly.
"I do agree that when a guy is ready to get married and a woman has what he wants, it does happen very quickly.
"I've been studying men and male behaviour for a long time.
"For men, timing is much more important than exactly what he's looking for.”
Sabrina suggests that if your partner isn't 'engaging with you in a certain way' then maybe it's time to look at 'how you are treating yourself'.
"Make sure you're feeding into your own self-love strategy.
"In terms of issues, it's not what you say, it's how you say it."
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Claire Reid