Why We Can't Help Going Back To Cheaters

Reports of Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson's relationship woes this week likely had many others examining their own love lives.

The internet was up in arms after learning the basketball star had fathered another woman's child while in a relationship with Khloe - the latest of many cheating scandals surrounding the couple.

As fans rush to support Khloe, 37, through the heartbreaking news and plead with her to move on to someone else, Tyla asked relationship experts why it's so common to see people take back a cheating partner.

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Khloe and Tristan, who have been linked to one another since 2016, have found themselves at the centre of a number of infidelity scandals over the years.

While the couple have taken time apart after each of Tristan's affairs, Khloe has repeatedly taken him back.

Most recently, fans were rocked by the news that Tristan had cheated on Khloe once again with personal trainer Maralee Nichols and she had given birth to his child in December 2021.

Speaking to Tyla, dating and relationship coach Kate Mansfield and life coach Michelle Elman gave some insight into why we tend to take back to partners who cheat on us.

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Asked why we tend to attract partners who mistreat us, Kate says: "It suggests that we have a lot of work to do around self-love.

"Unless we really love ourselves we can't receive love from someone else. Choosing someone who is bad for us is a reflection of our standards, and therefore shows the truth about our self-esteem."

Michelle adds: "We can't control who we attract, but we can control who we choose and if we are choosing unavailable people or people who treat us badly, it is because on some level, we are confirming beliefs we have ourselves.

"Some people also stay in unhappy relationships because the thought of being alone is worse or more scary. Either they don't believe in their ability to look after themselves or being single would mean more alone time. When we don't like ourselves, we don't enjoy spending time with ourselves either."

What if we decide to stay with a partner after they've cheated?

Michelle says: "You need to ask yourself what your values are in romantic relationships and whether your values can continue to be met.

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"For example, if your top values are trust and loyalty, be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you could rebuild that trust or will there always be a seed of doubt where you are unable to believe the person?

"You need to be sure that the person understands the harm they have caused and is willing to do the personal development work to make sure it doesn't happen again."

Kate added that there's "not one blanket rule" when it comes to taking back cheating partners.

She tells Tyla: "It very much depends on the circumstances, how long you have been together, and other factors. But ultimately it should be dependent on how the situation is dealt with.

"Is the person who cheated really addressing why it happened and taking accountability? Is the partner who was cheated on willing to also look at themselves and their role in why this might have happened? It's not always as simple as it seems. Some people cheat because they are in a sexless relationship, others do it to feel powerful. The main thing is to identify the root cause and address this."

So, what's the first step to take when we're ready to find a partner that's good for us?

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How To Find Better

Kate recommends that you "have a clear plan, maintain healthy boundaries and have high standards for yourself.

"What you attract is a mirror of how you really feel about yourself, so do some work with a coach or therapist if needed to see clearly why you repeat unhealthy patterns."

Michelle adds: "Once you start saying no to bad treatment, it's amazing how quickly the people who took advantage of your lack of boundaries will disappear from your life.

"People who treat others badly largely go for people who they believe they can act and behave that way without any consequence, therefore the moment you start standing up for themselves, is the moment your boundaries will start becoming inconvenient to them."

Kate Mansfield is one of the UK's top relationship and dating coaches and Michelle Elman is one of the UK's leading life coaches.

You can learn more about Kate's coaching sessions and masterclass on her website here.

Michelle's book The Joy of Being Selfish: Why you need boundaries and how to set them is out now.

Topics: Sex and Relationships, Khloe Kardashian