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Topics: Celebrity, Mental Health, TV And Film
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Warning: This article contains discussion of suicide which some readers may find distressing.
Giancarlo Esposito reflected on a difficult period in his life in which he considered arranging his own murder.
The beloved actor and father of four, 66, looked back at when he experienced financial issues and the foreclosure of his home before landing the role of villain Gus Fring in Breaking Bad. He first portrayed the drug kingpin in the acclaimed show's second season in 2009.
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Esposito said he went through two bankruptcies, and during the lowest period of his life, he considered suicide.
“The first thing that had me think there was a way out was my wife’s father — God rest his soul — Pops McManigal was in insurance,” Esposito recalled during an interview on SiriusXM’s Jim & Sam show last year.
“So, I asked [my ex-wife], I started poking around, ‘How much am I insured for?’ And then she told me. My way out in my brain was, I said, ‘Hey, do you get life insurance, if someone commits suicide, do they get the bread?’ And my wife said, ‘Well, that’s kind of tricky.’”
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He said he 'started scheming' from there.
“If I got somebody to knock me off, death through misadventure, they would get the insurance,” he recalled thinking at the time. “I had four kids. I wanted them to have a life. It was a hard moment in time. I literally thought of self-annihilation so that they could survive. That’s how low I was.”
The actor, who is also known for his portrayal of complex characters in Do the Right Thing, The Usual Suspects, and The Mandalorian, said it was his family that ultimately stopped him from following through with this scheme.
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He was married to Joy McManigal for 20 years until their divorce in 2015.
"I started to think, that’s not viable because the pain I would cause them would be lifelong, and lifelong trauma that would just extend the generational trauma with which I’m trying to move away from,” he said. “The light at the end of the tunnel was Breaking Bad. I had a few little things before to start to recover, but Breaking Bad was the light.”
If you’ve been affected by any of these issues and want to speak to someone in confidence, please don’t suffer alone. Call Samaritans for free on their anonymous 24-hour phone line on 116 123.