It’s long been assumed that men tend to have a higher libido than women, especially in marriage - but research shows that's not the case.
In fact, sex expert Tracey Cox has told the Daily Mail that one third of heterosexual couples in therapy have sought help because the woman wants more sex than the man - and men are often rejecting sexual advances from their wives.
Sexpert Tracey claims that, rest assured, it doesn’t always indicate he no longer loves you – and it doesn’t necessarily suggest he’s sleeping with someone else.
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She claims that the top three reasons why women think they're having less sex are an affair, that he is no longer attracted to them, and that he'd rather watch porn.
The good news is - the likelihood of being right on this is very low.
Here are the real five reasons why your bedroom may have lost its spark..
Erection difficulties
Tracey says she always asks her woman clients: "How old is he?"
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She says: “If he's over 40, I suspect erection difficulties have something to do with it. If he's over 50, I guarantee that's the case.”
With age comes health difficulties, and there are many things that could be getting in the way of achieving and maintaining an erection.
Tracey lists diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, being overweight, low testosterone levels, unhealthy lifestyle - e.g. drinking, smoking, eating junk food, stress and anxiety as age-related problems that can all have a knock-on effect.
She points out that ‘erection problems aren't the same as low desire’ - but not being able to ‘get it up’ can eventually lead to that.
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Foreplay is a great way to get intimate without the need for an erection, but Tracey notes that many men aren’t interested in exploring that as a concept.
But ladies, if you enjoy it - it’s worth talking about.
Feeling unattractive
While we are all aware of the impact of ageing on women’s bodies and how it can make us feel - Tracey points out we don’t often have the same discussion about men.
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Putting on weight, losing muscle and losing hair can all affect a man's sex drive.
“Men aren't immune to feeling depressed when their appearance changes,” Tracey says.
It’s worth hyping up your man to reassure him in the bedroom - it could just improve the mood.
Naturally low sex drive
Don’t be alarmed if at first, sex was coming at you from every angle and now it happens less.
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Tracey says that low libido reveals itself around two years into a relationship, because ‘almost everyone gets an artificial boost of desire at the start’.
It can also unfurl after children are had. Tracey explains: “Low desire people can maintain a healthy sex drive if they are having sex regularly.
"But if sex stops and his motivation to seek it out isn't strong, his libido will drop to its natural resting place which might be much lower than their partner expected.”
It’s not you. Ultimately, it’s natural.
He thinks 'not wanting it' is the kind thing to do
Media often depicts men as constantly battling a desire for sex.
Tracey explains that men who grew up in households where their fathers had affairs may believe that wanting sex leads to trouble. She says they may see indulging their libido as ‘dangerous, maybe even disgusting’.
On the other hand, Tracey points out that men who have seen their mothers be treated badly by men may believe that their sex drives have a detrimental effect on women.
She explains that formative experiences such as masturbation then take on negative connotations.
“Having become the man he wanted to be – one who isn't sexually aggressive or predatory – he thinks he's being kind by not wanting to have sex with you,” she says.
Stress and depression
One in five men state their libido is low because they're too stressed from the toll work takes on them.
What follows often is self-medication with alcohol.
Tracey explains: “Excessive drinking affects the production of testosterone, the primary hormone responsible for our sex drive. Not surprisingly, the kick-on effect for all this is often depression.”
And - while this is not always the case - Tracey mentions that antidepressants may also have an effect on sex drive.
Though of course, it is always the most important thing to look after your mental health - so make sure you let him know you support him for seeking help.
Topics: Sex and Relationships
Kya Buller