Unsolicited advice has to be up there with some of the most infuriating things we have to endure.
Whether it comes from a parent, a colleague or your best mate - even when the intentions are good - it can sometimes feel hard to stomach.
One woman decided to dish out the hard truths, only to be accused of ‘fat shaming’ by her ‘really upset’ friend – and in turn leaving Reddit users divided after she shared the advice she gave in the popular ‘Am I the A**hole’ forum.
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Asking if she was in the wrong for telling her friend – anonymously nicknamed Lola – that ‘she should improve herself or lower her standards if she wants to find a man’, the woman explained how the pal is on every dating app and ‘wears white’ whenever they go out to ‘manifest a husband’.
“I don’t choose to hang out with her alone (you will see why) but she is friends with a couple of my friends and so we hang out in groups a lot together,” she admitted.
“When we hang out, she constantly complains about her dating life. Even if we’re talking about something completely different, she finds some way to make the conversation about her boy troubles.”
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The Reddit user said it had become ‘abundantly clear’ why Lola ‘cannot bag a man’, as she has a ‘long list of demands, most of which she does not meet’.
The demands
- Someone who is ambitious in his career and makes six figures (‘she works part time and lives with her parents, and doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to move out’)
- Goes to the gym regularly and takes care of his body (‘Lola is overweight and hates exercise’)
- Plays an instrument and is into music (‘Lola says she has never picked up an instrument in her life’)
- Over six foot two (‘Lola is five foot two’)
The woman said Lola complains when no guys approach her, even though she’s seen ‘plenty of guys’ ask her to dance or buy her a drink, only to be rejected by her.
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"I stay quiet when Lola goes on her long, frequent rants, but a few days ago we were at brunch with some other friends and she asked me specifically for advice,” she recalled.
Lola wanted to know how her friend had met their fiancée ‘Jim’, who is described as tall, athletic, ambitious and musically gifted.
“I tried my best to explain to her nicely that people tend to choose partners who are similar to themselves,” the post went on.
“Jim and I go to the gym together every day, we both are very dedicated to our jobs, and we have a lot of similar hobbies and interests, so we have a lot to talk about.
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“I told her that if she wants to find a man like that, she should consider applying herself more in her job, going to the gym, and picking up a hobby she wants her partner to have.
“Otherwise, she could either date a guy that is interested in her as she is, or be comfortable with being single.”
While the woman thought she was being ‘very polite’, her comments ‘killed the mood’.
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"Lola got really upset and accused me of fat shaming her (even though I never said anything about losing weight–just going to the gym because she wants her partner to go to the gym),” she said, adding that she had messages from friends afterwards demanding she apologise to Lola, while others agreed with her and said she was too sensitive.
“I was trying to help, but would it have been better if I just lied?” the Reddit user asked.
Some other users felt the advice was ‘so basic’, suggested that arguing how people have to be attracted to those with ‘similar values, outlooks and habits’ was ‘like level 0 dating advice’.
However, many sympathised with the woman’s predicament, with one writing: “She definitely deserves an amazing man. Sadly, with her list of requirements, the only way she will find them is by being the main character of a Hallmark romance movie.”
Someone else pointed out: “For arguments sake, let's say that OP did fat shame Lola. By her own logic, wouldn't Lola them be fat shaming all guys by her own gym requirement in a man?”
A third added diplomatically: “From my experience with people like this they don't want THE truth. They want their truth. They want someone to tell them to just be patient and everything they want will come true.
“She obviously suffers from self esteem issues and has gotten accustomed to the yes men she surrounds herself feeding into her delusions.”
Topics: Reddit, Sex and Relationships, Advice, Dating trends
Jess Hardiman