Ten signs you’ve been ‘trauma bonded’ by a narcissist

There are some things that you might be experiencing that you may not know is a trauma bond with a narcissist, until you are told the signs loud and clear.

According to Psych Central, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a complex condition that has a lot of layers.

A person with NPD might have a ‘difficult time relating to what other people feel or do’ as well as having emotional and intense reactions, erratic and unpredictable behaviour, and being dramatic and exaggerated.

But when you’re in a relationship with someone who has NPD, you might not know that you’ve trauma bonded.

Are you in a trauma bond? (Jamie Grill / Getty Images)

What is a trauma bond?

Verywell Mind characterises it as ‘the attachment an abused person feels for their abuser, specifically in a relationship with a cyclical pattern of abuse’.

Here are the signs:

An intense relationship

@narc_narc_whos_there, an Instagram account which specialises in talking about NPD, said that a person who is in a trauma bond with someone with NPD feels intense and inconsistent.

You might feel like you’re doing everything you can to please them - and it just doesn’t work.

You'll want to be comforted

Even though this person is the one who is causing you harm and pain, you might want to be comforted by them regardless.

The signs are hard to spot (LWA-Dann Tardif / Getty Images)

It's rooted fears of abandonment

If you find yourself obsessed with this person, it might be because you are afraid that they will abandon you, leading you to cling onto them, even though they emotionally hurt you.

You'll ignore your sense of reason

Even though you know they are faking their doting on you or perfect image, you’ll ignore your sense of reason even though you know it won’t change.

You deny harmful behaviour

The sense that others might judge your relationship could lead you to pretend that their harmful behaviour isn’t happening or outright deny it to those who pick up on it.

You can't let them go

Try as you might, you can’t seem to break free of the need to be with them, even though you know it’s not good for you.

It can make you feel hurt (AntonioGuillem / Getty Images)

A lack of boundaries is revealed

When in a relationship like this, sometimes it’s worth looking within to figure out why you are withstanding the relationship.

If you have no boundaries and are walking on eggshells around your partner to please them, it is a sign to find out why.

You want to fix them

Do you think that your love alone is enough to change this person?

NPD isn’t something for you to ‘fix’, but a condition which requires professional intervention if the person who suffers from it so chooses.

You lower your standards

Are you constantly allowing more and more things to happen which you would have previously considered unimaginable?

This could be a sign of your relationship being a trauma-bond.

They make you doubt yourself

If you are constantly thinking that you are the one who has all of the problems, you need to question whether the relationship is right for you.

While NPD is a condition which requires patience and support, a trauma bond is not something a person should be having to accept.