A trauma expert has revealed how there’s something that could be ‘sabotaging’ your sex life, but that, thankfully, there’s a way you can overcome it.
Clinical hypnotherapist Chris Meaden is the founder of The Meaden Clinic, which specialises in helping others overcome emotional challenges through methods including neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), the Havening Techniques and his own rapid ‘Meaden Method’.
Meaden, who has worked with a number of A-list celebrities and even a member of a European royal family, believes that there could be one clear root cause behind a number of problems in the bedroom, from a lack of libido through to reaching orgasm.
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“Understanding the link between your past and your present is key,” he said.
“When clients work with techniques to neutralise the emotional charge of their past experiences, they often experience rapid transformation.”
Yep, Meaden believes that emotional baggage from the past could be playing out in the sheets, often in ways you’ve never connected before.
He explained how trauma activates the amygdala - the brain’s fear centre - in turn throwing the body into survival mode.
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“It’s like being a soldier under enemy fire,” he said.
“Your body prioritises survival above everything else, including intimacy. This often leaves people feeling disconnected and unable to fully engage in their sex lives.”
How trauma impacts sex life
Unresolved trauma like sexual assault or abuse can often create a heightened sense of vigilance.
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“Survivors may find it nearly impossible to relax during intimacy, as the amygdala remains on high alert, perceiving danger even when there is none,” Meaden said.
“The brain associates vulnerability with past harm, making it difficult to feel safe enough to enjoy a loving connection.”
It’s not all about past sexual experiences, though, as Meaden explained: “Trauma from childhood - such as emotional neglect or trust issues - carries over into adult relationships.
“If vulnerability feels unsafe growing up, that same belief will often re-emerge in the bedroom.”
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For men, meanwhile, one single blip can also leave them spiralling.
“One instance of losing an erection during intimacy can feel humiliating and trigger intense anxiety about it happening again,” Meaden continued.
“This anxiety can then suppress libido entirely, making it even harder to connect.”
How trauma impacts libido
Trauma can specifically impact libido, Meaden says, explaining how the connection is ‘largely physical’.
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“It impacts your appetite - not just for food but also for intimacy,” he said.
“The amygdala - the fear centre - goes into overdrive, working to conserve energy in case of perceived threats.”
While both men and women experience amygdala’s activation, they can respond differently.
“Women’s biological wiring for chronic worry can make them more susceptible to ongoing fear responses, while men’s fear may emerge more situationally,” Meaden went on.
“However, the impact on confidence and relationships can be devastating in either case.”
How trauma impacts orgasms
Trauma can trigger hyper-vigilance that can suppress the brain’s ability to release oxytocin and ‘other feel-good chemicals that are essential for reaching orgasm’.
“The amygdala’s alarm system keeps the body in a state of tension, making it almost impossible to surrender to the moment,” Meaden said.
“Until that cycle of fear is broken, many people find themselves unable to experience the full spectrum of intimacy and pleasure.”
Among men, anxiety linked to past experience or performance can also block the relaxation required for climax.
Breaking the cycle
Meaden believes addressing the trauma is the first step, with a range of methods available through therapy.
To reclaim the intimacy, you should ‘challenge the fear response’ through techniques like deep breathing or grounding, ‘shift focus from performance to connection’ as intimacy is not about perfection, and, of course, seek professional help to ‘address underlying trauma’ and ‘break cycles of fear’.
“Until the root causes are addressed, it will continue to show up - not just in the bedroom but in other areas of life too, from work to relationships,” Meaden added.
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Mental Health
Jess Hardiman