Couples are breaking up after taking an online quiz known as the Love Languages test.
The quiz was created by Dr. Gary Chapman, a doctor of philosophy and author of the 1992 bestseller The 5 Love Languages, on which the test is based.
The idea of the book and quiz is about acknowledging that different people exhibit love and affection in five different ways, including: ‘acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation or physical touch’.
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The aim of the theory is to help readers and quiz-users to learn about the way they prefer to love and be loved, in order to help strengthen their relationship.
But it seems some have run in the opposite direction with the whole Love Languages thing, and have instead ground their relationship to a halt after taking this test and subsequently achieving different results from their partner.
One Twitter user reflected on the very real possibility that the quiz could have this opposite effect on relationships.
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”I do wonder how many relationships Love Languages as a theory has ruined because of how well it fits into a culture where all relationships are categorised, have transactional elements embedded with them, and are broadly digitally mediated and primed for mass participation,” journalist Hussein Kesvani wrote.
Writer Caspar Salmon responded: “I can tell you for a fact that a friend of mine ended things with someone fairly recently not long after being asked what his love language was. (Other factors may have been involved)”.
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One Twitter user confessed: “This same s*** made my girl break up with me. Was doing everything possible to make her happy, just because she’s found someone new.
“She began saying I don’t even know her love language. The s*** was new to me and I got so confused. Like all I’ve been doing wasn’t a love language?”
Others have taken a different view of the love theory, with one writing: “I’m inclined to end things with a guy if he was to say his love language is physical touch, I have a rough idea of what to expect.”
Another agreed that differing Love Languages would be a dealbreaker for them: “We might as well breakup if you can’t love me in my love language cus then ima cheat and get it somewhere else.”
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One social media user wrote: “The sad thing about love languages is that you could genuinely love someone with your entire heart, but they will never feel it. They may know it, but never feel it, because they way you express your love isn’t how they receive love.”
However, others explained how the whole point of the Love Languages theory is allow each person in the relationship to help and love each other in the ways that they need.
“I also think people break up because [they] simply refuse to adapt to their partners love languages after learning what they are. It’s easier to ignore than adapt,” one wrote.
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Tyla spoke to dating coach Rachael Lloyd for her take on the theory.
“The truth about love languages is that they are a clear indicator of compatibility – or, in some cases, lack thereof,” Rachael, who is also eharmony’s relationship expert, tells us.
“For instance, if you love language is words of affirmation but your partner is more inclined to demonstrate their commitment to the relationship by acts of service, such as DIY projects around the home, then you may end up feeling short changed.
“You may not identify that their way of communicating affection is very different to your own. Similarly, if one person in a relationship is super tactile, but the other is more open to spending quality time together, it’s possible your feelings will consistently be hurt,” she says.
“The key here is clear communication,” Rachael explains. “First, think about how your partner shows up for you, and understand their love language. If it doesn’t meet your own, sit down and talk about it together. If you can understand each other’s perspective, you can seek a compromise which keeps both parties happy.”
You can take the Love Languages quiz here.
Topics: Sex and Relationships, News
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Gabriella Ferlita