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Unless you've been living under a rock, you'll have probably seen people posting about 'raw-dogging' their flights, so I decided to see what the hype was myself... though I could never have imagined what would happen to me.
As far as terms go, ‘raw-dogging’ doesn’t exactly sound very inviting, but it seemed to be all over my TikTok and Instagram feeds, so naturally I had to try it out.
The 'painstaking trend' initially went viral on TikTok and even had people admitting it was their 'beige flag', while others competed with themselves to get their 'personal best' raw-dogging time.
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People left right and center were bragging about doing it, so I finally decided to take the plunge and try it out for myself: time to lose my raw-dogging virginity.
What is raw-dogging?
First off, get your head out of the gutter - I know what you're thinking.
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Raw-dogging is essentially enduring an entire flight with no form of entertainment whatsoever - and I mean whatsoever.
The likes of books, magazines, phones, menus, music, podcasts are all banned. You name it, you probably can't do it.
Your eyes and ears are essentially prohibited from enjoying themselves. And to top it all off, you’re not allowed to consume anything either. Not even water.
Why are people raw-dogging flights all of a sudden?
I wish I knew the answer to this question, but having done it, I honestly have no idea.
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Some people have argued it’s a decent way to get some self-reflection done, while others seem to think it’s a test of human endurance.
While it certainly does give you the opportunity to be haunted by your own thoughts for hours straight, I think the most probable explanation is that it’s for attention - though, as a newly-inducted raw-dogger, I can tell you that no attention for completing the task made it worth it.
What happened when I finally lost my raw-dogging virginity?
I sat down in my not-so-comfy seat from Mykonos to Gatwick with an air of anticipation and something that almost resembled excitement.
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I was going to be fine, and I was going to be able to flaunt my status as a legend for years to come.
I could not have been more wrong…
Hour one
As the plane shot up into the air, I took in my surroundings tentatively. I didn’t want to become too acquainted with the seat in front of me just yet - after all, I had four hours ahead of me.
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The problem was, I quickly realised there really wasn’t that much to look at.
I took a deep breath and started analysing the words that will now forever be etched into my mind: ‘LIFE JACKET UNDER YOUR SEAT’. There really is a limit to how many times you can read those five words without going insane.
I decided to try and find the longest word I could using those all-too-familiar letters. After about 30 minutes I settled on SLACKENED. Thrilling.
As time went on, I felt my mind begin to crack, my mood begin to shift and my dignity begin to evaporate. Does God exist? How did the universe begin? If a woman raw-dogs a flight but there’s nobody there to witness it, did it happen?Those were just a few questions that began to chew on my inner ear.
Hour two
It was becoming excruciating now. Who on EARTH thought this was a good idea? Yes, we should learn to put our phones down every once in a while, but this was ridiculous. Even my great-grandad didn’t raw-dog flights - he got to play sudoku at least.
My mood was deteriorating quickly, and the negative symptoms of my bad choices had begun.
Firstly, a painful ringing started in my ears. The more I tried to block it out, the worse it got. I thought this would be the worst of it, but I had no idea what was to come.
Hour three
Tinnitus still raging through my brain, other symptoms began to afflict me. I developed a major stomach ache - though this could have just been a combination of thirst or hunger seeing as both water and food were off limits.
The worst symptom, however, was pure inexplicable rage. I was furious at every single person who had the audacity to catch my eye, to walk past me, or even to simply exist.
I’ve been angry before but this was next level. I really felt like I was the red angry man in Inside Out - but on steroids.
Lasting symptoms of raw-dogging
Eventually I was informed that we were about to land, which was music to my ringing-filled ears. Unfortunately, there were no available runways at Gatwick, which meant our plane had to circle the sky for an extra 30 minutes before finally landing.
This news nearly broke me. I was tired, hungry and angry, and I wanted the pain to stop. I counted down the minutes and seconds until we finally hit the tarmac and I was allowed to be a normal person again. I thought this would end my pain - I couldn’t have been more wrong.
As I left the plane, dazed, furious, and delirious, I waited for my symptoms to subside. Eventually, the ringing in my ears stopped, and my stomach ache faded when I ate some food.
Unfortunately, nothing could be done to fix my mood. I left the airport and got on the train home - the minute I sat down, I burst into tears. Angry, salty tears.
I couldn’t put my anger into words, which made it worse. Why on EARTH did I just do that? The fury was by far the worst part of the entire experience, and the hardest symptom to shake off.
It’s been four days since I lost my raw-dogging virginity, and I’ve not quite been the same ever since. Safe to say that I'm never going to succumb to a TikTok buzzword trend ever again - but try it if you dare.
Topics: TikTok, Travel, Plane Etiquette
Alabama Jackson