A man has sparked debate after ‘refusing’ to marry his fiancée without a prenup, saying she 'stormed off' after the topic came up and he hasn't heard from her since.
The 29-year-old man took to the Am I The A**hole (AITA) sub-Reddit to discuss his predicament with other users, saying he proposed to his missus a few months back while on a romantic dinner in Italy.
At the time, she gave him an ‘enthusiastic yes’, and has since been ‘absolutely obsessed with planning every single detail, sometimes to the extent of calling me at work to confirm colors or styles of certain decor pieces’.
However, we all know the course of love never did run smooth...
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“I work in tech, it’s a pretty well known company and my job pays decently,” the man explained as a bit of context.
“My girlfriend works in retail, she obviously doesn’t make as much as me, but I don’t mind financially supporting her.”
The Reddit user went on to say he and his 27-year-old partner were ‘enjoying a nice dinner’ after a long day when she brought up ‘the legal details’ of their wedding.
“I listen and nod as she speaks, occasionally cutting in to ask question and give input,” he said.
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“Towards the end of our discussion I make a comment about prenups, something along the lines of ‘I think we should file for a prenup at the same time we’re filing for our license’.
“As soon as I finished saying this, I could see my fiancée’s stomach drop, her entire demeanor changed and she held an expression somewhere between angry and hurt.
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“She explained that we didn’t need a prenup, and quote, ‘It’s just pointless’. She expressed that she planned on staying married forever so a prenup wouldn’t matter anyway.
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“I said that having a prenup would just make me feel more comfortable and that it was just a precaution.”
The man said his girlfriend ‘seemed visibly upset’, and countered his argument with questioning whether or not he trusted her.
He continued: “I explained that it had nothing to do with trust, it was simply about having it in the event something were to happen.
“She snapped saying that I was being unreasonable and if I didn’t trust her to just say so. I raised my voice and said, ‘I do trust you, I just want the prenup as a safety measure since I make more than you’.
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“She looked shocked, and said nothing, but I kept going, ‘a prenup makes me feel more comfortable, if you don’t want to sign one then fine, but I can’t get married without it’.
“She stormed off, walking out the front door with her keys in hand. I heard the car start and rushed out, but she’d already left before I could stop her.”
The Redditor said he’d been texting and calling her but had no response – only receiving a text message from her mum saying his partner would be staying with her until things ‘cooled down’.
He added: “It’s been about a day since the initial post, I’ve still heard nothing from my fiancée.
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“I’ve considered going to her mother’s house, but that feels like an overstep. I don’t want to shake things up while they’re still tense.
“For everyone asking, I own the house we currently live in together, I own my car and she owns hers. I pay over 50% of the bills, which I don’t mind, because I understand that she doesn’t make as much as I do.
“We also don’t plan on having children. It’s just a goal of ours.
"I’ve taken some time to reflect on the whole event and I’m still not sure if I’m completely at fault.
“I want to stay with this amazing woman, and I definitely should have mentioned a prenup prior. I figured since we see eye to eye on pretty much everything, we’d see eye to eye on this as well. Obviously, that wasn’t the case.”
His story triggered a huge debate in the comments, with one person writing: “Nothing wrong with protecting his downside in the case of a divorce when they're on very different financial tracks. It's not like she stayed home, supported him, and raised their kids.”
Someone else pointed out: “Asking for a prenup is never an AH move. What you put in a prenup can be.”
A third added: “I'm very pro pre-nups. That said, I dont think OP has quite done his research or understands what s prenup does, though. But If you want a prenup, just after proposal is not the best time to first bring it up. They should already have had that discussion long ago!”
Topics: Sex and Relationships, Wedding, Reddit
Jess Hardiman