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Louise Thompson has opened up about her battle with PTSD, explaining she feels like she 'has brain damage'.
Louise, 32, has been struggling with PTSD since her traumatic birth last year, when she welcomed her little boy, Leo-Hunter Libbey.
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The former Made in Chelsea star has bravely spoken out about her struggles since, regularly updating followers with her progress.
Louise was kept inĀ hospitalĀ for a month after sheĀ 'died and came back to life' following serious complications during her little one's birth.
As a result of the traumatic experience, Louise has been fighting depression, anxiety and PTSD.
Updating followers this week, Louise explained she's suffering with a number of physical and neurological symptoms.
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She wrote: "Where am I at with my recovery?! MMmmmm. Iām at a weird stage now where Iām blocking everything out. Maybe I said that way back at the beginning? I canāt actually remember much because Iām still trying to protect myself from the pain."
Louise explained that she's been struggling to remember much between the age of 15 and now.
"People tell me how far Iāve come, but I canāt remember how far. I can remember a weird amount of things from my childhoodā¦ sensory things will remind me of the strangest memories from way back when I was 5-15, but then Iāve sort of erased everything between then and now," she said.
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"|... To put it bluntly Iām struggling to move on with ānormalā life. Every day I feel physically very unwell and every other day I seem to have an hour long period (sometimes longer) where I feel messed up in my brain - I donāt know what it is, but it feels like brain damage or a mini stroke.
"Maybe itās a weird processing experience. It feels like Iām either really REALLY low in some specific chemical/hormone or way too high. But either way I canāt think properly or talk properly during those episodes. It sort of feels like Iām having a major allergic reaction to something in my brain. I go from feeling really low and agitated to then feeling a rush of something and then I get the worst cramping around my pelvis but then my brain levels out, a bit like the chemicals have been restored."
Louise went on to explain that she has been suffering with painful symptoms and feels as though she has 'inflammation all over her body'.
"My mind has been EVERYWHERE and now I just want someone to fix me. I know that I want to go back to being normal Louise so why wonāt my body and brain just let me," she continued.
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"... I feel like I have a weird form of dementia. If I think of stuff to do today I will completely forget that list tomorrow or even in an hour. In fact I might never remember it.
"... I kind of dread my my life, but then sometimes itās manageable. Sometimes I even have a really good time, but then when Iām in a bad place I canāt understand how I can have a good time at all. I just have to repeat this too shall pass. Sadly I canāt just pull myself out of the funk with happy thoughts or āfeel goodā practises."
Louise added that when she does feel good, she spends all her time with Leo to help take the pressure off her fiancƩ, Ryan Libbey.
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"I want to take the pressure off of Ryan because he is really struggling with his own PTSD etc. (which he has FINALLY admitted to me)," she said.
"His has manifested in very different ways and he hasnāt started any treatment yet, but I hope when he starts it works a dream because I hate seeing him suffer. The amount of hurdles weāve had to leap over just to get him seen, even privately, is MAD," she said.
"... So to answer where Iām at nowā¦ Iām at a cross roads, Iām in an uncomfortable place. I donāt know where I want to go. But some good must eventually come from this."
If you're experiencing distressing thoughts and feelings, the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is there to support you. They're open from 5pmāmidnight, 365 days a year. Their national number is 0800 58 58 58 and they also have a webchat service if you're not comfortable talking on the phoneĀ
Lucy Devine